Last night, our family found ourselves once again at our “home away from home”—the hospital that has become a familiar place throughout our journey with Lane.
It’s a place filled with doctors, nurses, and staff who have become a part of our extended family, but it’s also a place that brings with it a sense of uncertainty and fear. Each time we head there, it’s never easy. It always comes with that gut-wrenching feeling that something’s not quite right. But this time, the pull to head to the hospital felt different—a strange but undeniable intuition that I couldn’t ignore.
Before we made the drive, something in my gut kept screaming, “Cut his hair.” I know it sounds odd, but there was a sense of urgency that I couldn’t explain. Lane had been feeling unwell, and his symptoms had been escalating, so I knew I had to act. It was almost like a mother’s intuition, something beyond logic, pushing me to take action. Lane wasn’t quite himself, and I could feel it deep within me.
So, despite his discomfort, I asked our dayshift nurse—an Army guy who’s always been so kind and helpful—to lend me a hand during Lane’s bath. He’s even helped with Lane’s hair in the past, and today, we were due for a full bath anyway. As we started trimming Lane’s hair, something became painfully clear—on the side of his head that didn’t have the shunt, there was swelling. The kind of swelling that immediately raised alarms.
The sight of the swelling, coupled with the feeling in my gut, told me that something wasn’t right. My heart sank as I looked at my little boy, and without a second thought, I packed up the car and drove straight to the hospital in Austin. It didn’t matter that it was late in the day. Lane needed immediate attention, and I couldn’t afford to wait. As a mother, you have to trust your instincts, and every fiber of my being told me that this wasn’t something we could ignore.
Upon our arrival in Austin, we were met with the familiar faces of the medical team who have always been supportive of Lane’s care. They immediately began administering IV antibiotics, steroids, and fluids to help Lane’s body recover. His breathing became easier, thanks to the positive pressure treatment, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I saw him settle into a more comfortable state. But despite these signs of improvement, the unknown still lingered.
As usual, Lane went through a series of tests. His viral panel came back negative, his labs were unremarkable, and his head CT showed no changes. On the surface, things seemed stable. But I knew that stability didn’t always tell the full story. We left the hospital without any definitive answers as to why Lane had been feeling unwell or why the swelling had appeared. But that’s not why we come to the hospital.
We don’t come here to always have the answers. We come here for something more important—supportive care that we can’t always get at home. The hospital is where we go to rule out the most immediate, life-threatening conditions that could be affecting Lane. Conditions like sepsis, brain bleeds, and other urgent threats that could endanger his life. It’s here, in this place of expertise, that we know we can get the kind of care we need to keep him safe, even when we don’t fully understand what’s going on.
This hospital isn’t just a place for diagnoses; it’s where we find the kind of supportive care that allows us to feel secure in the uncertain times. It’s where we find the medical attention Lane needs to stabilize, and it’s where we get reassurance that we’re doing everything we can to protect our little boy. It’s a reminder that, even when the answers are elusive, the hospital staff is always there to help us navigate the unknowns.
We come here because we know that Lane deserves the best care possible. It’s not about getting a label or a diagnosis—it’s about knowing that we’ve done everything we can to make sure that Lane is safe, stable, and receiving the care his body needs. That’s what matters most.
And even though we may leave the hospital without answers, the care and comfort we get here help us return home with peace of mind. Home is where we make life as fulfilling and comfortable as possible for Lane, and this hospital is helping us do just that. They’re not just taking care of his physical health; they’re supporting our entire family, making sure we can continue our lives outside the hospital with as much normalcy as possible. The comfort, reassurance, and expertise we receive here give us the strength to carry on.
The path we walk with Lane is filled with moments of uncertainty and fear. Each day presents new challenges, new questions, and new reasons to worry. But it also brings moments of triumph, of small victories, and of love that binds us together as a family. Despite the fear that comes with each hospital visit, there’s also hope. Hope that, one day, we will understand more about Lane’s health and that he will continue to thrive.
So, as we face the unknown, we continue to rely on our instincts, our support system, and the incredible care we receive from the hospital team. Each time we leave, we leave with the knowledge that Lane is getting the best possible care, and we are doing everything in our power to help him thrive. We may not have all the answers right now, but we’re holding onto the belief that, with time, the answers will come. And in the meantime, we’ll continue to love and support Lane with everything we have, knowing that we’re doing our best to give him the best life possible. 🖤🖤